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Sushi and Coffee

2009-03-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

So I haven't blogged in a while. I've come to terms with my own personality and I've learned to accept that blogging daily, weekly, or sometimes even monthly will be a hard pressed task.

Nonetheless I am here. Which means something, somewhere. A whole lot has changed in my life since the past few blogs. There is no need to go into much detail, but I consider change to be a good thing. I anticipate it and rejoice in its arrival. Change demands persistence and perseverance which in turn leads to growth. When you begin to see the world around you changing, you rely on the things that can actually keep you grounded. For me, it's the Lord and the consistency and strength of his tender and stern voice from the Word. The Lord is the perfect Father. Sweet and sensitive, yet not afraid to be direct and poignant to the hearts of his followers. Both are necessary. Sometimes all I need is for God to say, "Hey, everything is alright. I've got this". And sometimes I need the sharpness of the double edged sword, piercing my heart and going to the core of my bones.

I just ate lunch. At 2:52. I had some sushi from Publix and some coffee from Biggby. I enjoyed lunch. It tasted good. I know it's a weird combination, but its two of my most favorite things on earth so I figured it would be a good thing to mix the two. It was indeed a good idea.

I could have a coffee shop. And enjoy it. I have a passion for good coffee. Some say that is my explanation for my addiction to caffeine. But I think passion is different from addiction. I don't just need my morning coffee, I love to experience the smell and taste of coffee every morning. That's my justification anyways. Or excuse. Take your pick.

But I don't think I could operate a sushi restaurant. I wouldn't enjoy that. I have a bigger passion for coffee than I do for sushi. Don't get me wrong, I love sushi. It would probably be a big part in my "last meal" question that you ask when you are trying to get to know someone. Here is the difference, for those who care. I have a passion for everything about coffee, where it comes from, how it is brewed, how it is served, how hot the water is.. etc. Nerdy things. I enjoy the science of coffee. With sushi, I could care less. Make it taste good. I don't really care about where the fish comes from (part of me does, but mostly not), the art of making it, and what everything means etc. I appreciate those things, but I'm not passionate about them.

Pardon the above rant. I was just thinking about how strange it may appear to drink coffee with sushi.

Music I have been listening to:

Other Lives - Other Lives EP

John Mark McMillan - The Medicine

Kings of Leon - Only by the Night

Mute Math - Spotlight EP

Mary's Sweet Heart and Joseph's Brave Obedience.

2008-12-22T09:09:00.001-08:00

The Christmas season is now in full force. It's almost coming to an end. It's always interesting how quickly the Christmas cheer evaporates until New Years comes along. We are a people who long for good feelings. We enjoy the seasons of life that are able to create these feelings and we enjoy the experiences of life that put us in those places. I don't think there's much wrong with that really. Just as long as we aren't searching for true joy in those happy times. There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. How can you not when the music is uptempo and humorous and at the anticipated event, everyone gets gifts. What's not to like really?

I have found myself investigating the Christmas story this season. The first person who really stands out to me is Mary. Here you have this young virgin, innocent and pure, who is suprised to discover she is going to be pregnant; without having sex with anyone. Maybe its just me, but that is freaky, man. It's like saying to a chef, "You are going to have this amazing meal. Yet you are not going to cook anything. It will basically just appear and develop before your eyes". And this girl was young, probably 14 or so. Even as a male I can imagine the terror an anxiety news like that would bring. She may have thought she was crazy. She had probably seen the outcasts in town claiming they heard voices from God and heard guidance from "spirits". Even though the angel claims God has found favor with her, she was still most likely a wreck from hearing this news.

But how does she respond? "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said". A beautiful example of a willing servant. God asked her to take part in something extremely strange, but altogether amazing. Later in Mary's Song she states, "for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant". Back to my thoughts on feelings. Mary did not decide to follow God's call because it felt right. It probably did not at all. Yet she trusted in the guidance of the Lord. God even used Elizabeth to affirm this in Mary's life. Sometimes following the Lord takes a leap of faith. When things just aren't coming together or making any sense, He is still there and his plans still succeed. (Luke 1:26-38)

And Joseph abandoned his feelings for the situation to follow the Lord as well. I can't even imagine the heartache of having my fiance coming me and saying, "I'm pregnant". I would be devastated and betrayed. The heartache would tear me to pieces. Joseph had already made up his mind to divorce her quietly, for the text says he was a "righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace". So even in his hurt, he was still able to look at her with just intentions. Can you imagine his own anxiety when the angel comes to him in a dream telling him of the Lord's plans for this child. Verse 24 amazes me, "When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him..." Notice the lack of hesitation there. He didn't say, "God I've got to process this for a while. Let me sit on it. It doesn't feel right yet". On the contrary He obeyed the command he had been told without questioning whether it felt right or how others would view his decision. His desire was the please the Lord. And that's exactly what he did. He played his important part of the most influential birth the world has even known or will ever know.

What a couple these two must have made. A woman, casting off her own fears to be exactly what the Lord desired her to be. A man, humble enough to follow the Lord when the call doesn't make much sense. However these were simply two ordinary people who were big enough to let the Lord rule in their lives and decisions. Beautiful.

John Mayer's Search for Truth.

2008-08-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a big John Mayer fan. I've like his music and guitar playing from day one. I love the trio, I love his band, I have all the albums, etc. Such a talented fellow. I will stand by these words: When I'm older my kids will ask me about the times I saw John Mayer in concert. Mostly because my kids will be well-versed in good music, but always because he already is a legend and will continue to do so until he dies.

Usually at his concerts, he goes off on some ignorant tangent on life, to which I say, "Man, I came here to listen to you play music, not hear your 'wisdom'". But his comments at his concert on Tuesday night really grabbed me. This was the sum of his advice: "You can't live life like it is short. If you do, you are a [jerk]. The past is short, but we have a long life to live. In order to have a good life, I must live my live like it is long and I have a lot of time here on earth. So live it up."

So that's part of his philosophy on life. Another part is that everything he has earned for himself is solely because of his doing. Not anyone else. Interesting.

I sat there at the concert and prayed for John Mayer. I've prayed for him before, but this time intently prayed for God to begin working in his heart.

I was reading this morning and some things popped out that give me biblical grounds to say that John is wrong in some of his thoughts on life.

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom bas he goes to and fro; He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." Psalm 39:5-6

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

Honestly, who can blame John or people like him? If you lived live thinking that you are in control, there is no God, and there is no ultimate eternal destination, why would you feel that your life isn't as big of a deal as you thought? It would be absurd. (1 Cor. 1:25) The truth is that secular humanism just isn't practical. No one can actually live that way and honestly claim happiness. There will always be that void in their life. The search for answers will only lead to more questions. Any answers they claim to find, will leave them disappointed. John Mayer, for instance, believes that "love" or "music" is the key. Just the secular love as in "love, peace and happiness". (I infer this from his comments on the "Where the Light Is" DVD). That won't fulfill the God-shaped hole in a heart.

One more thing... The heart of life isn't good. Of course, every Christian knows why this is not so. Romans 3:23, 1 Cor. 15:22, and Psalm 51:5 show that. No discussion needed.

Lastly, I firmly believe there is still hope for people like John Mayer. Isaiah 30:18 states, "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion...How gracious he will be when you cry for help." How I long for the day that John Mayer turns to God. I realize some people will not, and they choose to turn from the Lord of Life. It happens. Yet, while there is still life on earth, there is still hope.

Airports.

2008-08-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months I've spent a good amount of time in airports. I've made a few observations, socially and spiritually.

1. Talking to people who don't want to talk is interesting and will lead to awkwardness.

2. People are very busy.

3. People who travel are always on the phone, don't think about interrupting that technological bond.

4. Business is fueled by caffeine and it would not function without it.

5. Traveling, for that matter, runs on caffeine and it would not happen without it.

6. If someone is reading a book, don't ask them what they are reading.

7. If someone is listening to music, don't ask them what they are listening to.

8. People like their space.

9. You can buy Apple products and other expensive electronic devises from "vending machines" nowadays. Just swipe your card. iPod pops out. Technology feeding technology. Sweet.

10. People in airports need Jesus too.

Some of my first points are a little cynical. I find it extremely hard to talk to people in airports. Mostly because people don't care. Maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe I'm not praying enough or something. Every time I'm in an airport I want to talk to people about the love of Christ and how its changed my life, but often I can't even get past the initial conversation starters. So I seclude myself. I'll admit there are sometimes when I find myself talking to someone, but its never about anything usually. Sometimes its Christians doing the same thing I want to be doing. That's always funny. But usually if I'm talking to someone, its something trivial like "Where are you heading?" or "What brings you to Minneapolis?". The responses are typical. "Business, Vacation, etc." Quick, one word answers don't start conversations.

Because of its difficulty, I cut off communication inside the airport/plane. I stuck my headphones in, kept my nose in a book, and became one of the disconnected masses. I felt slightly convicted of this, but to be quite honest I got in the same mentality..."I'm traveling, leave me alone, I don't want to talk....etc".

But I have a message that will save their lives. I have a relationship with the Creator of the world who would die to rescue me from being eternally separated from Him. That should change how I talk to people or think about talking to people in a public setting. I can't just sit back and wait for someone to come up to me and ask me about "religion". Here's the problem... I wish I was someone like my grandaddy. He was the kind of guy who could sit down next to someone and within 5 minutes they would be having a great conversation and he would be making them laugh hysterically. I love those kind of people. But I am not one of those people. I will never walk into a room full of people I don't know and leave with 15 friends. It's just not in the cards for me, and I'm totally okay with that. However, I can no longer use that as an excuse when it comes to evangelism. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to figure out how to effectively use my personality to spread the Gospel. I wish I could walk up to anyone I see and tell them about the love of Christ. Does that say something about me?

The truth is I need to conquer this fear. I need to realize that it is inevitable that in a crowd that large there are people dying inside. The stench of death is always around. There are people who have spent their entire lives searching for something. Most likely they have no clue where to find the answers to the questions in their life that they avoid. Jesus loves those people just as much as he loves me. He died for them as well and they need to know. Their blinded eyes are longing to be opened and it is a crying shame if I sit around and let the lost continue to be lost.

Music and Truth.

2008-07-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

Please check out THIS video. Amazing.

"Truth trancends tunes. Truth will outlast tunes."

"If the truth is not clear and not objectively presented, those tunes will seem more powerful than the truth."

Wow.

As a musician its hard to understand that. Or apply it to be honest. I'm ashamed to admit that I sometimes get so wrapped up in the musicality of what I'm doing that it's hard to keep in focus why I'm on stage. I believe that's a life struggle of a Christian musician. This video convicted me of my thoughts. In the end, God isn't waiting around for me to worship Him. I don't make Him any better by worshiping, and its insanity to think that I do.

I want to love Jesus exponentially more than I love music.

The first half of a good trip.

2008-07-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

The band is heading to Nawlins. I absolutely love traveling. My new camera now will be the visual aid of this blog.

Today we got to go to one of my favorite guitar stores on earth.... Midtown Music. It's a fine boutique guitar shop. He's got a room that's basically full of Dr Z amps. His new Galaxie amp it unbelievable. I sat there an just played chords and felt that my guitar had never sounded better. Oh the tone search.

Here's a shot of Micah playing his new Nash.

More news and photos from New Orleans coming soon.

Go buy John Mayer's live CD!

-stew

Sleep - Check. Rest - Finally Check

2008-07-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

It's funny how sleep and rest can be different things. I've gotten sleep on the road, but after two of my mom's meals/desserts and two nights in my own bed, I'm now rested. But the funny thing about being a musician, is that when you are on the road, you want to be home. As soon as you get home and rest, you want to be back out there. It's a good thing I only have to wait 4 days to head to Nawlins. Paradoxical life it seems.

I'm buying a camera this week. So soon this blog will be flooded with poorly taken photographs that will soon become obnoxious. Oh well.

Crisp, cool mountain air.

2008-07-02T12:25:00.001-07:00

We're in Knoxville this week. I really miss living in Tennessee. There's something intoxicating about the mountain air. It just has it's own vibe. To wake up in summer and need a jacket is something I miss.

When I think about it, the best years of my childhood were spent in Sewanee, Tennessee while my dad was attending seminary. Right when I was let out of school, my little buddies and I would spend hours and hours in the woods, doing the things that 10 year old boys do. We made forts, of course. I would be outside until it was dark and then I would watch Xena Warrior Princess. Yes I was a nerd then as well. A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about my memory and how horrible it is. I really don't remember much at all. I'll recall some random things, but my memory is never chronological or organized. However, my memories of Sewanee are different. It's like the one place in time where I can have orderly memories about the 2 1/2 years I lived there. Interesting.

This week has been awesome. I've some amazing worship experiences. It's been those times when I completely forget that 300 people are there with me. It's been just me, my guitar, and the Lord. No hindrances and no distractions. Just raw and unadulterated worship of my Creator and my Lord. Amen!

Some coffee places of interest if you are ever traveling.

Hunstville, Alabama - Stearns Coffee

Knoxville, TN - Old City Java

Coffee and Chocolate

Peace!

Washing Clothes.

2008-06-23T14:10:00.001-07:00

It pays to be small.

I guess.

So we were bored while washing clothes in the laundromat. I slowly began to wonder whether I could fit inside the dryer. I can. It's a good thing it has wireless internet, I'm posting this from the dryer. Believe it.

I feel so inspired.

"Ode to the Dryer Seat"

I'm stuck, I'm stuck, Oh my oh my

In a place where things come to dry.

I wonder if I'll ever get out

In this place of eventual drought.

My friends, they said they'd open the door

But they laugh as I'm stuck in this waterless drawer.

Man I am so weird.

Augusta. Good times.

2008-06-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm still in Augusta. We've got a day off.

It's a good day. Got to sleep in, made some coffee in my french press (after lunch), ran some errands with the band, now I'm sitting in Metro Coffeehouse listening to Coldplay and drinking a lovely cappuccino. Life is good. I'm very easily pleased.

New. Coldplay. Album. Changed my life. Every track has spoken to me. I've actually gotten closer to the Lord by listening. Beautiful music always leads me into a worshipful state. Enough said. Listen and enjoy. Cry, laugh, rejoice and repeat.

I've been reading the Lord of the Rings books. I'm on book two. This is classic literature. It's amazing to me that Tolkien created this entire world from nothing. It's one thing to write a story that's set in 18th century London or the French Revolution. He created a world in these books. And not just that, an entire culture was created along with language and customs. Amazing. What a literary genius! The movies are good, but the books open up a different world in my mind as I read them. Take the time to read them.

Bigger.

2008-06-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

God is much larger than the parameters in which I place Him.

This week is the start of the summer for me. The band is playing a string of camps, and I'll be on the road until the end of July basically. I'm finding the wider I can keep my eyes upon God the better. The moment I try to place boundaries, even ones that aren't necessarily bad, they are always broken to pieces by his power and sovereignty. I'm finding that even language has its extreme limitations. The words which are placed in books about God, the lyrics of songs written for God, the words of the messages and sermons about God still fall short linguistically describing God's greatness and glory. A God that is truly as big and as powerful as our God is will never be adequately described.

I think one of the aspects of God's character that is simply impossible for my small brain to fathom is infinite. Every aspect of God's nature is endless and limitless. How can this be? How is this possible? One of the reasons it's so impossible to understand is that it doesn't exist anywhere else. Everything on earth depends on something else for its existence or it fades to nothing. God is infinite in that he depends on nothing else to exist. His love is infinite in that it goes to unthinkable and painful lengths to bring us into communion with Him.

And I find that anytime I'm following a God I've placed inside of a box, he breaks out in a way that proves that he is so much bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

All of this came to me tonight during the worship service. We were playing Amazing God I believe, which is song that is very dear to my heart and the Lord always uses it to speak to me. But I thought about the title. The word amazing and its many uses. I use the word amazing to say "Wow this cake is amazing" or "You are wearing cowboy boots. That's amazing", etc. When I get to heaven, I hope there is a complete set of words, phrases, sounds that can ONLY be used to describe the Lord. That can't exist here because we would tarnish the beauty of that hidden language, but I long to call upon God with words that only could be used in the context of describing the Almighty.

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:2

I think being a God-praiser should define one's life, but when we come before the Lord, I believe that should start with reverent silence. We must come to Him as a friend, but also remember He is the Lord and Creator of the universe and should be treated and spoken to accordingly. A music teacher of a friend of mine use to start all the rehearsals by saying, "Music begins with silence". I think the same applies to our present ourselves to God. Give him room to talk. Give him the silence of our hearts to say what He needs to say. Odds are, it's more important.

Thinking about summer. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

2008-06-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a musician. Everyday is a Saturday.

So the fact that summer is here doesn't necessarily bring me to tears of joy. It used to, yes, but now its just the time where its unbearably hot and humid. The best thing about summer to me is that we are on the road more than any other time of the year. I leave in less than a week and will be more or less till August. That is the best part of summer.

Here are a few reasons why summer is not my flava fav:

1. not really a fan of the beach (no that's not blasphemy as some would say). I just like the mountains. If I had a beach house I would dig the beach. A place where I could wake up, drink coffee over the sunrise then sit around and read to watch the sunset. But I do not. I don't like sitting on a beach getting absolutely cooked by the sun and then being covered in sand for the rest of the day. But thats just me.

2. two words: Southern heat. Summer in the south is a lot different from many other places. I think people don't get it when we talk of humidity. I mean its thick out there. Thick and wet. Showering in the morning is pointless, because you will sweat the moment you walk out the door. "It's a dangerous business, going out of your door" (Bilbo baggins - Lord of the Rings) Thats exactly how I feel.

3. I like wearing jeans and boots. It's just my thing. When's its 100 degrees outside, its just not fun.

4. Adventures are hard to come by in the summer, because its just too hot.

5. The only time to do things is from 8am-10am and then from 7pm-whenever. Given that I get up at 10, half of the outdoor day is gone.

Sorry to rant and I apologize if I've offended any "Just living for the summer" types. I will gladly read your thoughts on winter.

I've listened to nothing but Coldplay this past week or so. Through ways I won't utter, I got the album early. It is absolutely amazing. It's perfect. Buy it the day it comes out and listen to the whole thing, start to finish a few times. It may change your life, for it changed mine. They are making history. The last track is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I've ever listened to.

Summer tour starts on SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!! take me there. Now.

A look at the thoughts of the past.

2008-06-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today I spent some time reading a journal of mine that has been written in from my Freshman year of college all the way up to the present. When I say journal, I don't mean a daily journal. I don't really have the discipline for that as I wish I did. I journal about once a week. Or a few times a month during busy times. It's encouraging to read, however not easy. It's nice to revisit joyous times but it is rewarding to relive hard and confusing times. It's the times where I am really struggling with God about something or having questions about things that really make me who I am. Granted, they aren't so pleasant in the present, but when they move to past their importance becomes visible. I've changed a lot in some ways, and in some ways not at all. I can't be disappointed in either because it's who I am. I'm quite happy with that. I guess it is hard to believe that God is present in all seasons of life. When the hard, terrible, and confusing experiences of life seem to consume us, it is so easy to forget that God still has control.

Over Everything.

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

I'm not in one of those places right now. My days begin and end with a smile. But hard times are ahead. That's just life. It's important to be ready for those trials and periods of peril. It's easy to rely on the Lord when times are easy, but it becomes difficult when it doesn't seem as if He's there. So let the periods of joy and sorrow work together to bring me to a deeper faith and a better knowledge of God's never ending love and provision. May the examination of these periods become the framework to the augmentation of faith.

"An unexamined life is not worth living" - The one and only Socrates.

A visit to the Doctor.

2008-05-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

I've had a sore throat for a while. I don't really believe in going to the doctor every time I have a little ache or a little discomfort, but when you can't even swallow, it's time. I always have a hard time admitting that's it is time to see the doc. I think that's because the doctor experience is so uncomfortable. Granted, I really like my two doctors, but even with a great doctor you are still going to feel like a specimen that is being examined because well, that's what is happening. I prefer to be the one observing people, not the one being scrutinized. But this is the way these things are, so this is what I experienced this morning.

One word entered my head as I walked into the office and waited.

Remedy.

I was taking a visit to alleviate physical, temporal, earthly discomforts and pains. There is nothing a doctor can do to heal a broken heart or a longing soul. Neither can a psychologist, as much as they may attest to that fact. While sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, I felt relieved. For I knew this pain would soon be dealt with and healed regardless of how trivial it is compared the real pains of people around the world without healthcare (thank God). I thought about all the people in this world that are sitting in that same room, but their wounds are much deeper. Their scars much more prominent in their life. The tragedy in all of this is that for many people, the doctor is anything but Christ. The healer may be anything from a relationship to Oprah. Yet they soon find that these things aren't fixing the hurts inside. They are not being healed. They aren't even being helped. The symptoms of the real issues are simply being diluted by "positive thoughts" or "self-help" items. The truth is that Christ and Christ alone is the remedy of the world. He alone can be, for He's the only one that has died for the hurts and pains of the entire world.

I think that's part of what Jesus means when he says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light." Matthew 11:28-30

The beautiful thing is that we don't have to earn this healing, we just have to accept it. What a loving and caring Savior to whom we cling.

Remedy through Christ.

The following is a beautiful poem by Langston Hughes entitled "Litany".

Gather up,

in the arms of your pity

The sick, the depraved,

The desperate, the tired,

all the scum of our weary city.

Gather up

In the arms of your pity.

Gather up

In the arms of your love

Those who expect

No love from above.

P.S. Check out Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken's EP called Ampersand. Beautiful.

Insomnia? (God saying 'It's About Time, Friend')

2008-05-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

It's around 3:40 as I begin this post. Coffee at 9ish along with an afternoon nap that started at around 4 and ended at 7 keep me wide awake on this Memorial Day. Forgive me of the grammatical errors, but I just don't care.

I find myself reaching out to God. I long to be as close to Him as I have in the past and I try so desperately to figure out what I can do to fix things. I guess that's one of my character flaws. I have a hard time giving God the control to restore areas of my life. There are many parts of my life that are still completely my own. But I do truly hate any part of me that is not of God. It's just the eradication of such things that presents problems.

Its interesting to note that in periods of life where I'm farther away from God than I desire, the words "compassion", "grace" and "freedom" are taken far out of context and placed into a definition that fits my comfortable life. I see God as a compassionate Father, giver of grace, and one who offers freedom. This is all true. Please do not misunderstand. I am in no way refuting these facts of God's character, but that these are in no way the extent of things. God doesn't want me to simply acknowledge his kindness, He wants His forgiveness to change my life! He doesn't want his children wrapped up with the ways of the world or thoughts of the world. For even the small parts of my life that are simply not of God, He is not well-pleased. Am I being to hard on myself? No. I think I'm being more honest than I have been lately. My own self has persecuted my relationship with my Father. The worship of self has indeed taken the place of the worship of the Creator of self. I can't escape his Love, for it is not conditional, but I do not wish to be a stagnant pond of self.

Sin is a tricky beast. Yes I said it. The "S" word. You'd think that after reading "The Screwtape Letters" this past week that I would be aware of the dangers of flirting with danger. The pathway of falling away from Christ usually isn't one single action, rather, it is a combination of various little things, minor experiences, and tidbits of life that put Godless thoughts inside the mind. These small thoughts procreate, consume the mind first, then make their way to the heart, and finally suffocate the soul. And no it doesn't have to be some grand heretical idea; it can be the simplest form of vanity or the slightest thought of conceit. That's how it all starts. That is the tactic of the Enemy to destroy God's faithful. Or sort of faithful.

Heartbreak. Yet I find myself pouring into forlorn attempts to fix any problem simply by willing it away. Silly me. The truth is that God is the only one who is capable of empowering my heart and soul for his purpose of purity, godliness and holiness.

"If your sin is small than your Savior is small, but if your sin is great, your Savior will be great also".

Psalm 32.

Lord Jesus: Cleanse. Forgive. Renew. Revive. Restore. Bring me back to Life. Awaken this sleepy eyed soul. Hold me. Comfort me. Convict me. Instruct me. Encourage me. Lead me. Carry me. Reveal. Fill this mind. Amaze this soul. Be written on this heart. Do not delay. Be not far...

That I may realize your Love so that it may be shown in my life.

Amen.

So I drank to much coffee.

2008-04-12T23:19:00.001-07:00

Oh coffee.

So I'm sitting in a hotel lobby in Portsmouth, Virginia. We just played a few shows up here in the state whose motto is affectionately "Virginia is for lovers". I'm a fan. One of the coolest things about this trip was getting to drive/ride beneath the river. Talk about cool. Innocently traveling through a tunnel all while millions of pounds of water are right above you. Now thats quite interesting.

But back to the story. Because of the fact that I am an online student at Liberty University means that my free time on the road is spent doing school work. Tonight I had a test. I've been studying throughout the week. Like I usually do, I overstudied and became over caffeinated. I sit here now with an A on a psychology test, but wide awake at 2:24 AM. I really love coffee. So this blog will probably be completely random. Hokay.

I got a macbook. I dig it. My technological life can be summed into two parts: pre-Apple and post. The latter being the superior. Everything just makes sense. Nothing against PC users at all, I'm just on the Apple side now.

Check this out. We played for a conference tonight. It was called Answers in Genesis. Absolutely amazing. If you've ever had doubts and a lack of understanding of creation, Adam and Eve, original sin, Noah's ark, etc., go to this website NOW and read the articles. It's perfectly fine to question and doubt things. I think we've spent enough time as Christians taking our faith by faith. It's imperative that we know why we believe what we believe and have facts, reason and logic to back up our belief. Granted, there is the Divine mysteriousness that we will never understand, but God doesn't call us to check our brains at the doors of his church. It's encouraging to learn that there has never been an archaeological discovery that has refuted or contradicted the Bible. The events of the Bible are surprisingly documented through the course of history. Check out the articles in response to many of the scientific publications in current periodicals. Very cool!

I've really had a great time touring in the past three months. I've learned a good deal about myself and my closest friends. Teamwork and communication are things you really have to work at. They are not easy, but they really make things run efficiently.

That picture is from Ohio I believe.

Because of my caffeination, it seems I am much more inclined to reveal the wilder side of my life. (a video shot in a church, pretty crazy eh?) The above video is completely ridiculous and most definitely embarrassing. It just shows my dance skills and their extreme limitations. I can shag and slow dance. Thats about it. After that, I like to express myself in what I call "liberating dance". You pretty much just do whatever you want and whatever happens is what you do. I'm probably insane and it's okay because Jesus loves me even if I can't dance.

Well I guess thats all.

Musical browsing of the evening:
The Beatles
Derek Webb
Emily Jane White
The Black Crowes

Goodwill Treats.

2008-04-08T23:14:00.001-07:00

I've always been an avid fan of the phenomenal shopping locale known as the thrift store. My mom and grandma both sample the goods offered at these "specialty shops", as they prefer to call them. I check out my local Goodwills a few times a month at minimum. It's hit or miss, but when you hit it big, you hit it real big.

But I've recently indulged in the books and movies section. I used to ignore this area because my attention was focused on the t-shirts. Man. There are some really good finds in the "Media" section as I have affectionately titled it. Because of the recent finding of treasures, the media section is now my first stop on the used goods highway of Goodwill.

Some of the highlights:
Young Man Luther: A study in Psychoanalysis and History - Erik Erickson (very cool)
Jesus: A Historians Review of the Gospels - Michael Grant (a little dense, but interesting)
Tales of Sherlock Holmes - S.A.C.D. (a "greatest hits". check it)
Marine Sniper - Charles Henderson (this one's just cool)
A Miracle to Proclaim - Fr. Ralph A. DiOrio (Catholic priest with the gift of healing. Interesting.)
Braveheart Soundtrack - James Horner (magnificent film score)
Phil Keaggy - Hymnsongs. (one of the greatest guitarists in the world. And he's a believer!)

Granted I've had some CD strikeouts. I guess that's what I get for buying music blind. But overall I would highly recommend that you scout the media section quite frequently. Be thrifty, its fun!

-Stew

Art. Its beauty and its confusion.

2008-03-24T20:57:00.001-07:00

I've been reading the same book for 2 months. And by that I mean I've read it many times. It's a little gem called "Unceasing Worship" and its by Harold Best. Go and buy it and read it now. It's one of those books I read and it feels like the author is writing directly to me. It is as if the he's writing with me in mind. It deals with the topic of its title (worship) but it talks about it in a different way. I've read a lot of books on worship, and most of them cling to formulas, suggestions and order. To me, worship doesn't fit into those forms. If the concept of worship is anything like the One it is directed to then it is wild, free, unpredictable, and seemingly chaotic all while giving balance, peace, compassion and love. Most worship books are quite boring (sorry), but this one grabbed me from the first line.

One of the biggest things I'm learning to deal with is this: For some reason, we as artists feel that our art is a better form of worship than others. This is absolutely loathsome and it sickens me to look back on my life and see that I've actually fallen for this lie. Music looks the same to God as a nurse performing their duties with God in mind, a pastor preaching, or an accountant filing tax returns to the glory of God. But it is interesting to see how the Church itself has placed music as a higher form of worship. Look at the many conflicts and splits in churches that begin with debate of the style of music that is played in church. While I wholeheartedly believe that music is a special form art that is capable of expressing emotion in a unique and powerful way, it is NOT more important than anything else. Even still, making art should not be distinguishable from worshiping Jesus.

"There is no theological escape hatch for the call to excellence". Oh man does that need to be heard in Christian music today. Creativity demands newness. The limits must be stretched and tested. There is always somewhere else to go on the road of music and/or art, some turn or twist. We must not allow ourselves to settle. What good would God's gifts be if we reached a point of satisfaction and settled in contentment? It would be a complete waste of a gift and a slap in the face of the Lord. Because I am making music for the Lord, I am challenged to do everything as beautifully and skillfully as possible. I will say that we have humanly limits, but that fact should be in the back of our minds as we pursue beauty and excellence in using our gifts in worship.

"Worship is the continuous outpouring of all that I am, all that I do, all that I can ever become in light of a chosen or choosing god". You simply have to read his explanation of his definition of worship. The man is extremely intelligent and biblically sound. Please check it out.

In all of this I'm trying so desperately not to fall into Satan's trap of worshiping worship, if that makes sense. It's easy to fall into, but idolatry all the same. (Deut 12:4!)

One of my most favorite passages about worship is one not about singing, dancing, or playing instruments. Its about the heart and it is Ps. 139:23-24. Let the Spirit of God reign supreme in my life, that I may flee from all the wickedness of the world and my flesh so that all that I am and all that I do is a act of continuous outpouring to my Creator and my True Love. When I fall face down yet still have my eyes fixed on the cross, that is worship. May I spend my days in a constant state of reverence and that my heart would honestly seek the Lord in spirit and in truth.

"Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known and from You no secrets are hid. Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may worthily magnify your Holy name through Christ our Lord. Amen"

Music from today:
Sheryl Crow
Bach
Peter Bradley Adams
Emerson Hart
Coldplay

Half a world away.

2008-03-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

So recently, the band has become Artist Associates with World Vision. I'm really excited to start working with them and to have the opportunity to help out kids from around the world while giving our audiences a chance to do something "outside of the box" in helping someone from around the world.

But, as I always do, I begin thinking about these kids. And I think about my childhood. I grew up in a solid, stable home. There wasn't ever a question of where the meals would come from. I didn't have to worry about clean water or whether I would be able to go to school. But I'll be honest in saying that tears sometimes well up when I look at the picture of Caio (the boy we are sponsoring) when I think about what he goes through and how his life will be vastly different from mine. I sincerely believe that World Vision can change his life and they will, but I begin to think, Why him? Why not me? I don't understand why I have the privilege to be raised in a rich country full of luxuries even for the low class. Why am I so special to deserve this life when I don't? I see the eyes of a beautiful child, but also the eyes who have seen pain and poverty.

Leads me to another rant. Don't get me wrong, I love America and everything our founding fathers stood for. (I think if they were alive today, the would be royally pissed at our government and how it is run, but thats neither here nor there.) But the typical American arrogance that rules our society scares me deeply. We honestly believe that we are the best country in the world. We believe we are better than everyone else, simply because we have freedom and luxuries. Why is it that the rich continue to get richer, while the poor become poorer? Regardless of how it comes to be that way, it seems many have no compassion for the poor. They're pawns in the worlds chess game. I don't think it's coincidence that Jesus hung out with the poor more than he hung out with the rich. Usually when he was with the rich, he was telling them to give to the poor anyway. Interesting. What can I actually do to fix the problem here? And I say "I" because I am as guilty as the next man. But I'm sick of sitting back and saying, "well it's just not going to happen. there will always be poor people and there will always be rich people. thats just how it is. there's nothing i can do" I think this is Christian heresy. Its absurd and offensive. It goes against everything we stand for. Sure, maybe the entire world may not be cured of this disease, but at least we can use our time and voice to help all that we can. It's our duty. We must love and have compassion for ALL.

The smiles of a child
Are felt half a world away
But I sit in my glory,

Stay in the lines of grey.

Come closer still, luxury

Won't you stay for awhile

You are wanted and welcome

As comforts enter in single file.

I'll believe I deserve this

That I've earned this place.

Honorable and high I'll sit.

And forget that smiling face.

Fall on your face, you fool.

"Fill our hearts with your compassion as we hold to our confession"

Music:
Jars of Clay
U2
Hillsong United
Duffy
Delirious

it should be a grand year.

2008-01-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

I pretty much neglected to do any sort of "new year" blog mostly because it took me about a 2 weeks to remember I had a "blogging" site, and another 3 weeks to get around to writing some form of entry to display on your screen. Probably just my screen, but whatever.

After over a month's break, Soulstice is finally back on the road. It's nice to look at my calendar and to see that it is filled with doing the one thing that I can't live without. Being musically busy maintains my sanity in a lot of ways to be completely honest. If I wasn't able to express myself musically, I think I would be much like one of those rubber gloves that doctors wear. If you fill them with water, it turns into this big water-hand. But if you fill it enough, it will burst in a very dramatic fashion. I would pretty much explode without music, and I'm discovering that's why God gave me this calling. I need music, not as much as I need Jesus, but I need it. NC, FLA, Ohio, Louisiana, Mississippi, GA and TN should bring forth some excitement in the coming months. Bring it on I say.

My classes at Liberty are a little more intense than last semester. So that means most free time on the road will be spent with my nose inside of a book. Most of it is still interesting to me, so I'll manage. Most of it.

Random thought from the past month or so. I saw "I Am Legend" over the break. It was great, I thought. Some of the people I went with were bored to tears, but I really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, I recommend. There is this scene at the end that I thought about for about 3 days straight. Will Smith has just discovered the cure to the disease that has sickened all of mankind. All these sick people are trying to kill him and he is protected by this glass wall. As they are trying to kill him, he cries out to them saying: “I can help. I can fix this. Let me save you. I can save you; I can save everybody”. That led me to thoughts of Jesus. He looks down and sees this sickened human race. He watches his children in desperate need of a cure. Of a remedy. Yet he doesn't see us as the gross and disgusting sinful creatures that we are. He sees people who need to be loved and cared for and most of all redeemed. To think that Christ took on every single sin of the world is overwhelmingly astounding. Divine love is just so wide and deep, yet so attainable and felt. God is love and that has been shown to me in countless ways and its always encouraging to me that it won't ever fade or grow stale.

I also went skiing and almost killed someone. Yikes. Not my fault. People who fall need to get out of the way.

Music:
John Mayer
Andy Davis
Lenny Kravitz
Hillsong United
Sarah Bareilles

Thoughts of the past few weeks.

2007-12-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

Its been an interesting few weeks. A very good few weeks if I must say.

I recently moved. Not far really. Just about 20 minutes down the road. I've got a killer roommate in my sister. I'm glad that I can call her one of my closest friends in the world and its a great thing to be around her. I'm close to everywhere I need to go, so thats good.

I spend every morning I'm in town at Central Coffee. I drive or ride my bike over there in the morning to read, talk to the owners, drink too much coffee and eat bagels. I'm really digging supporting local folk and local commerce. Plus they are just great people. I didn't think I liked cream cheese until I had some that was homemade. Tasty.

I'm a student again. Going to liberty university online. I'm glad technology has made it possible for me to do music full-time and school. psychology degree here I come.

I got to go to NYC for the first time in my life a few days ago and got to hang out with some real Italians in brooklyn. Talk about an experience. I'm a fan of being in the middle of a culture completely different from my own.

my cowboy boots are now worn in so much so that no other shoes feel right.

I'm playing a lot of golf with my dad. He's really good. Me, no so much. But hangin out with him has been stellar.

I'm enjoying this time off. Because of the nature of this music biz, December is like our summer. I like time when there isn't much to do, just sit back, read and relax. Mostly because come January through August, life will be pretttttty insane, for most of my time will be spent watching the world through a van windshield. And I can't wait.

God thoughts:

I'm learning not to take my faith by faith. The facts and historical documentation behind Christianity, Jesus, and the Bible are astounding. (read The Handbook of Christian Apologetics). Some things just make sense. Granted there's that whole mystery of God thing that we will never understand, but God doesn't want me to check my brains at the door of his church. He created humans as reasoning and logical individuals and we should apply that to our faith. I fear I spent a lot of my life insecure about why I believed what I believe. I think its because I grew up in a Christian home, so I didn't really have to question what we did as a Christian family. Its not that I've recently questioned my faith, I've just spent time discovering why I believe what I believe. And its done nothing but strengthen my faith in my everlasting God and Father.

"The moment to moment existence of the physical and moral universe depend directly on his continuing oversight and providence" David Stern. How amazing is it that the same God who created and sustains the universe desires to be my closest companion. That's hard to get my finite mind around. He doesn't need me for anything, yet he wants me more than anything. He loves me to death.

Christmas. The king of the universe. The creator of heaven and earth. The God of power and might. King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The most powerful one on earth HUMBLES himself to be born as a poor peasant would be born. How can this be? I think this season sort of gets to me because this beautiful part of the God-story gets tainted by commercial shopping sprees, over-spending, and "good cheer!". I admit its distracting. As much as I try to focus on the Christmas story, my mind gets bombarded with thoughts of this winter season. I want to focus on the coming of Jesus to earth and nothing else. It all comes down to me and my willingness to keep God in mind and everything else out of sight and out of mind.

What I've listened to this week:

Phil Wickham
Sleeping At Last
Christa Black
Robbie Seay Band
Doyle Bramhall II
Carrie Underwood
Dierks Bentley
Cash
Coldplay (of course. can never get enough. they occupy 13 of the spots in the 25 most played list of my iTunes. wow.)

hokay i'm done! hope you are well!

-stew